My Theory on Speeding

I used to drive fast. Wicked fast. Everywhere. I had the wheels to do it too. My favorite car was a 1987 Lincoln Sport Coupe Mark VII. Ultra luxurious and faster than poop.

Nowadays I drive slow. Speed limit slow. My wife gets on me for driving slow. My kids get on me for driving slow. I was driving my grandmother home last Christmas and she said "could you pick it up a little?"

Here's my reasoning:

I used to get a lot of tickets, now I don't because I drive slow. I drive slow because I thought about it.

If I am traveling 100 miles doing the speed limit of 65 MPH, I'll arrive at my destination in an hour and a half or so. If I go 75 MPH I'll get there about five minutes faster.

If I get pulled over for speeding going 75MPH, I'll get a $100 ticket ($10 for each MPH over the limit) PLUS a $50 surcharge on my insurance for 7 years. That's a total of $450 to save 5 minutes on my trip.

Not even factoring in the time lost while pulled over, I would need to earn $5,400 per hour to justify the ticket cost/time saved quotient.

So when I earn $5,400 per hour, I'll drive as fast as I want.

Until then, grandma will have to be more patient.