Field Trip Purgatory

I got the idea for this post from a comment I left on one of my Blog Catalog reader's sites, When a Southern Woman Rambles. Maybe I should start a blog called "When a Hotdogman Rambles." Oh, wait, it's called The Hot Dog Truck! Ms. Brown was ranting about Field Trip Hell, so I left a comment with my perspective. This little post was gleaned from my comments on that post.

I am always being asked to volunteer at my kids' schools for one thing or another, but I have a very strict policy when it comes to those requests: I have an age cutoff of 12 for volunteering to chaperon or otherwise help in my children's classrooms in any way. This is primarily due to the fact that 12 and unders are far easier to intimidate than teens. 12 and unders may be rambunctious, but they generally do what an authority figure (like a field trip chaperon) tells them to do, especially if he is six feet tall, has a booming voice and acts like he's what my 14 year old would call "scary."

Teenagers are a different animal. Everyone knows that children aged 13-19 know far more about anything in the world than any parent or teacher. They will question and sometimes outright defy nearly every request for compliance, no matter how simple. Once kids hit age 13, they roll their eyes and say "REALLY?!?!" a lot.  I don't like getting eyerolls-with 4 teenagers, I get my full quota at home and then some.

Volunteering for my 6 year old's kindergarten class is a piece of cake. They get a little hopped up from time to time, but their sense of self preservation is still very active. On some subconscious level, their little six year old brains tell them "that person is bigger than you, don't piss him off." But I have yet to have to get heavy handed with the kindergartners, they're quite fun actually. Plus I usually get all the fruit juice I can drink.

I have a distinct advantage over the other chaperons: I have pretty much seen just about anything a kindergartner can dish out, so I am not surprised. It's real easy to tell the first time parents of a kindergartner; they're the ones who waffle between complete and unrelenting discipline and wishy washy enabling. If my group starts wigging out on me, I usually tell them to go climb on something which infuriates the newbie parents who fear the children will injure themselves, damage property, or worse.

One frantic mommy chaperon recently remarked that I can get away with that stuff because I was the lone "cool dad" chaperoning a field trip to an apple orchard. She told me this as my group was happily climbing a tree while her group was milling about and whining "how come THEY get to climb it?" while she tried to lecture them on the dangers of insects, splinters and climbing "strange trees." When it was time to go, I said, "outta the tree kids, let's roll." They promptly plopped out of the tree, splinter free, and followed me dutifully to the nearby bus. My frantic, newbie mommy friend spent the next five minutes pleading with her group to follow her.Since I am usually one of very few dads (if not the only one) on various excursions and since I allow my group to do what many mommies would never consider letting their group do, I am viewed by the kids with the awe reserved for most super heroes, sports figures and the Wonder Pets.

One of the big reasons I was able to successfully dodge responsibility for chaperoning or otherwise volunteering for my older kids once they reached 13 was there was always a younger sibling waiting in the wings. All I had to say was, "I did this stuff for you when you were their age, now it's their turn." Not that any teen would want their parent chaperoning a school field trip anyway-too embarrassing. I had one moment of weakness when I agreed to help paint my then 14 year-old's school, but we did that on three consecutive nights without the kids. It was almost like a vacation.

Unfortunately-at least for school volunteer purposes, I won't have another waiting in the wings when the 6 year old gets to be 13 (we've gotten out of production and into maintenance), so my previous method of evasion won't work. When and if she asks me to volunteer for something at her school when she reaches that age, I will have to just roll my eyes and say, "REALLY?!?!"

Tryout Review: Bad Parenting Revealed

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As many visitors know, I coach a youth baseball team. We had our tryouts last weekend. Over 220 10, 11 & 12 year olds tried out for baseball last Saturday and Sunday. The tryouts help coaches to draft "even" teams and group players according to ability. The kids run the bases, field grounders at the shortstop position then throw to first, and they hit balls pitched from a pitching machine. As a coach I look for kids who can throw well and who "hustle." Every player on my team has hustle. It's not an easily identifiable trait, but I know it when I see it.

I remember baseball tryouts when I was a kid and I always wanted to show the coach that even though I may not be the most talented kid, I was a hustler. I would expect any kid trying out to give his or her best effort.

Unfortunately, that didn't happen in one case last weekend. There was one kid, a kid who is an excellent ballplayer, who purposely "dogged it" at tryouts so he would drop in the draft in order to be picked by a specific coach. This kid was easily the most talented athlete at the fields either day last weekend: he had played exceptionally well during summer ball last year and his summer ball coach made it no secret that he'd love to draft him. Unfortunately the coach had the fifth pick in the draft, so there was a good chance another team would pick him.

Apparently the kid's parents wanted him to be on that particular team because the kid was CLEARLY advised to "dog it." When running the bases he practically jogged. When fielding grounders he'd normally get to easily he purposefully bobbled the ball. When hitting he stood in as a lefty (he's a righty) and batted with a right hand grip! While in the batter's box he was seen to be grinning and staring out as his dad-as if they were both in on the joke. It was obvious to all the coaches and to the folks who were running the tryouts that this kid was "dogging it."

The coaches who wanted to pick him were mortified-both guys are not the type to engage in such chicanery. Other coaches thought the display was disgusting and voiced their displeasure in a variety of ways. Now I am not one to believe that a 10 year old kid can be so diabolical-he had to have gotten the idea from somewhere. One look at the SEG on his dad's face and it was obvious where he got the idea. What a piss poor example for a father to present to his son! If my kid did something like that, I'd be wicked angry at him, I believe you should ALWAYS give your best effort.

Now I coach in this league, I run the league website and compile all the schedules and I am on the Board of Directors. I spend hundreds of hours (along with many other dedicated people) making our league the best it can be for our children. When someone makes a JOKE out of what we do like this dad and his kid did, it pisses me off. It shows disrespect for the league, the coaches and all the other kids who were out there trying their hardest.

4 teams passed on the kid in the draft and he was eventually picked by the team that wanted him (I wouldn't want that kid on MY team because he showed he doesn't want to play by the rules-not easy to coach). We decided not to punish the kid by disqualifying him-but there are many dissenting opinions. I personally don't think the kid could have come to the decision to "dog it" on his own and knowing the history of the kid's father, (not the first time he's acted like an ass in youth sports) I can make the leap that it was HIS idea. You can't punish a kid for who his parents are.I am not sure how the father will be received once the season starts-I for one have very little respect for what he apparently advised his son to do. I can't imagine the move will be held in high regard by most parents with kids in the league.

On the plus side, it looks like I have a good group of kids and I can't wait to get out there and get them practicing. We got snowed out last night!

Please leave your thoughts on the kid "doggin it."

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Writing for Money, Writer's Market and an email RANT

So the wife wanted to watch some inane show and I decided to blog and Stumble tonight. With my increasing success with PayPerPost, I have become more interested in finding ways to make a few bucks writing on the side-particularly during my winter hiatus from the Hot Dog Truck. I Stumbled on this article about Unasked-For Advice to New Writers About Money and I read the whole thing-Stumbled it too. The author doles out some sound advice, even though he sounds like my mother!

After reading it, I scrolled back to a link for Writer's Market, a publication that lists just about every legitimate writing gig in the known universe. It was a link to buy the book on Amazon.com and I almost bought it. I decided to see if there was an online version first. Lo and behold there was! Writer's Market dot com features all the listings the print publication does with the advantage of frequent updates and changes. A subscription costs about the same as buying the publication every year and it's online. I'm thinking "Sign me up," so I go to register and pay. One problem; they don't take PayPal. Bummer.

So I wrote them THIS EMAIL:

Dear Writer's Market dot Com-

I was excited to hear about your site. I have purchased your books several times in the past and I am finally at a point in my life where I can honestly dedicate some time and energy to try to make some money writing.

When I read about the constant updating and other features available by putting Writer's Market online, I was eager to sign up. The internet has indeed allowed many people to operate without being "constrained by physical limitations," but your website has put a physical limitation on me.

I am physically unable to subscribe to your service. Several years ago, I decided to get rid of ALL my credit cards. I have become a strictly cash operator, no longer will I give money to banks for the privilege of buying things with my own money. It's a complex personal decision that I won't go into here, let's just say I don't have a credit card.

I DO have a PayPal account. I am a verified member and I use PayPal to buy all sorts of things online. I bought the computer I'm sending this email with online-with PayPal. I just can't buy a subscription to Writer's Market dot Com. Because you don't take PayPal.

I'd like to think that the folks at Writer's Market are smart. You've been around for nearly a hundred years, you organize an immense amount of information on a constant basis and I'm willing to bet the company makes piles of money. You're obviously smart enough to understand the power of the internet to disperse the undulating sources of information you provide; it's a far more fluid medium than a semi annual soft cover book.

If you were smart enough do do all these things (and probably many more I haven't touched upon), why is it you would not accept PayPal? It's the complete no-brainer way to pay and be paid online. I accept PayPal for crying out loud! There are a few other "little" companies that accept PayPal too, maybe you've heard of some of them: South West Air, Dell Computers, Amazon.com etc. I would be willing to bet some fresh faced college intern on your staff could set your website up to accept PayPal in a day or two.

Why don't you have them get right on that? When you get it figured out, let me know. I want a two year subscription and instead of perusing your listings, I'm firing off this email. I'm wasting time and you guys are out $44.99.

What a shame.

Very truly yours,

the Hotdogman

And so it goes.....

More about "Everything"

I ranted about people who want "everything" on their hotdogs on WV Hotdogs a while back.

Every day someone comes up who asks for "everything" on their dogs. What they mean is an individual choice most of the time so I have to ask "what do you mean by everything?"

Look at the list of toppings at the top of the page on le Menu; if I put "everything" on every dog for everyone who asked for it there'd be a lot of messy dogs served and I'd run out of condiments.

There are different types who order everything and I can recognize some of them.

There's the "old timer" type who asks for everything, he means he wants "all around:" mustard relish and onions.

There's the ketchup lovers who think there are only 4 condiments in the world: ketchup, mustard, relish and onions.

I have a lot of Brazilian folks who stop by who mean ketchup, mustard, relish, onions AND mayonnaise.

There's the clueless type who acts like they've never ordered a hot dog before in their life who will ask for "everything." Clueless types are easy to spot, they stare, blank faced, at the menu (which has 5 other choices besides hot dogs) for several minutes. The exchange usually goes something like this:

ME: "Whaddaya havin?"

Them: "Uhhh, I don't know yet."

3 minutes go by....

Them: "Uhhh, I guess I'll have a couple of hot dogs."

ME: (Brilliant choice! It IS a hot dog truck) "Whaddaya want on em?"

Them: "I don't know...'everything' I guess."

ME: "I have about 17 choices of condiments, could you be more SPECIFIC?"

Them: "Uhhhh, what do you have?" (the friggin list is right on the menu they've just been staring at)

ME: "You want onions? Mustard? Relish? Kraut?" (at this point, light begins to dawn on Marble Head and they'll actually READ the condiment list)

Them: "Uhhh, I'll have ketchup and mustard."

ME: "That's not 'everything' now is it?"

Them: "Uhhh, I guess not."

ME: "That'll be $3.50." (Genius)

There was one gal once who ordered two with "everything" and she MEANT it! She had: sauteed peppers and onions, raw onion, relish, kraut, ketchup, 3 kinds of mustard, chili, TUNA (no shit), red pepper, Tabasco sauce, mayonnaise, barbecue sauce and CRUSHED FRITOS on her dogs! While its not "everything," it was pretty damn close! The basket felt like it weighed about 4 pounds. I wish I had my camera that day!

To my customers' credit, most of them KNOW what they want on their hot dogs. Its not rocket science after all.

Cell Phone Rant

I know everyone has a cell phone. I use mine more than my land line. I find it far more convenient to use than the land line. I don't know how I ever got along without it. I also have a wife-whom I love dearly. She has a cell phone too. This is very convenient for a multitude of reasons most people would recognize.

What kills me is the "just calling to chat" call. It'll be about 12:15, I'll be knee deep in hot dogs, with 10 people in line and the phone will ring. It's my wife, "just calling to chat!" HELLO HONEY, ITS LUNCH TIME! "I know," she says, "I'm having lunch and I wanted to chat." AAAAAAAArrrgh! She knows I'm busy at lunch time-heck its what I do, make lunch for people, yet she insists on calling to "chat."

When I call her back, say at 2:30 when I'm wrapping things up for the day, to "chat," she invariably says "honey I'm busy, can it wait until tonight?"

This is when I really hate cell phones.

Spell Check: RANT

I have been reading lots of blogs lately (maybe even yours). Many are well written, funny, thoughtful and informative. Still more are absolute crap.

One thing many have in common is the misspelling and/or misuse of the words lose and loose. People will write: "I will loose money," I may loose my job," "I hope my team doesn't loose," and so on. People, the word is LOSE! L-O-S-E, NOT LOOSE! Loose is used to describe "loose change," "he had a screw loose," "there are wild dogs on the loose," - GET IT?

Nothing puts me off more than reading something with a stupid friggin misspelling like that. I'll be going through an article and I'll be thinking, "wow, this is a good little bit of writing" and WHAM there's that "loose" word in the wrong place again. It isn't something spell check will pick up because it is spelled correctly, it's just the wrong word.

So please, proofread,, or I may loose my mind!