More about "Everything"

I ranted about people who want "everything" on their hotdogs on WV Hotdogs a while back.

Every day someone comes up who asks for "everything" on their dogs. What they mean is an individual choice most of the time so I have to ask "what do you mean by everything?"

Look at the list of toppings at the top of the page on le Menu; if I put "everything" on every dog for everyone who asked for it there'd be a lot of messy dogs served and I'd run out of condiments.

There are different types who order everything and I can recognize some of them.

There's the "old timer" type who asks for everything, he means he wants "all around:" mustard relish and onions.

There's the ketchup lovers who think there are only 4 condiments in the world: ketchup, mustard, relish and onions.

I have a lot of Brazilian folks who stop by who mean ketchup, mustard, relish, onions AND mayonnaise.

There's the clueless type who acts like they've never ordered a hot dog before in their life who will ask for "everything." Clueless types are easy to spot, they stare, blank faced, at the menu (which has 5 other choices besides hot dogs) for several minutes. The exchange usually goes something like this:

ME: "Whaddaya havin?"

Them: "Uhhh, I don't know yet."

3 minutes go by....

Them: "Uhhh, I guess I'll have a couple of hot dogs."

ME: (Brilliant choice! It IS a hot dog truck) "Whaddaya want on em?"

Them: "I don't know...'everything' I guess."

ME: "I have about 17 choices of condiments, could you be more SPECIFIC?"

Them: "Uhhhh, what do you have?" (the friggin list is right on the menu they've just been staring at)

ME: "You want onions? Mustard? Relish? Kraut?" (at this point, light begins to dawn on Marble Head and they'll actually READ the condiment list)

Them: "Uhhh, I'll have ketchup and mustard."

ME: "That's not 'everything' now is it?"

Them: "Uhhh, I guess not."

ME: "That'll be $3.50." (Genius)

There was one gal once who ordered two with "everything" and she MEANT it! She had: sauteed peppers and onions, raw onion, relish, kraut, ketchup, 3 kinds of mustard, chili, TUNA (no shit), red pepper, Tabasco sauce, mayonnaise, barbecue sauce and CRUSHED FRITOS on her dogs! While its not "everything," it was pretty damn close! The basket felt like it weighed about 4 pounds. I wish I had my camera that day!

To my customers' credit, most of them KNOW what they want on their hot dogs. Its not rocket science after all.