Insane Weekend in Maine

This weekend we're off to our annual weekend to Kennebunkport, Maine. Once a summer the wife and I ditch the kids and book up to the Kennebunks where we stay in a bed and breakfast, hit the beach, eat lobster, browse the shops and do a bit of drinking in the local bars.

Actually, we do a lot of drinking in the local BAR: Federal Jack's. You see every other place closes at 11PM except Jack's which closes at 1AM (ish). This means anyone in town out to have a bit of fun at night will end up there. We usually arrive around 9-9:30 after feasting on Lobsters at Nunan's Lobster Hut in Cape Porpoise-a 5 minute drive from Kennebunkport. Their motto is "We catch 'em, We cook 'em. We crack 'em, You EAT 'EM!" We've been doing this trip for 9 years and the only place we eat dinner while we're up there is this place. BEST.LOBSTER.JOINT.ON.THE.PLANET!

So we usually get to Federal Jack's as they are wrapping up their last dinner seatings and the crowd is in transition. Once the diners clear out, the dining room becomes a dance floor. The Sox are usually on the tube and my wife and I hover for good seats at the bar. We are professional hoverers when we are in bars with limited seating. The key is to scan the crowd for folks who look like they'll be wrapping things up and proceed to hover in that area unobtrusively. My wife and I use a divide and conquer approach and we usually snag a good seat before we finish our first beer.

Last summer we snagged seats right on the corner where the main bar area meets the dance floor and the exit. Great seats for a night of hilarity and people watching.

There was a wedding party that came in and I asked a distinguished looking gentleman in a tux if he was the father of the bride. He said "No, I'm the father of the groom." He pointed at a guy in jeans and a tee shirt. "He's the father of the bride."

I said to the father of the bride, "What's the matter, pal, not enough money left for a suit?"

There was also a guy who was trying to pick up every gal in the place, including my wife (and other guys' wives). He was eventually run out of the bar by the bouncers who feared the guy would get his butt kicked! Plus he was pretty drunk.

Then there was the gal whose mission was to kiss every other gal in the place. She was HAMMERED and her boyfriend was mortified. She found many willing gals to kiss her, but my wife managed to squirm away. It was an image that won't leave my mind soon! The boyfriend eventually wrangled her extremely drunk butt out of the place and she flashed her boobs to the crowd on the balcony as they drove away. I'll bet they had a fun rest of the evening.

Since this trip was pre-blog and a year ago, I don't remember all the details clearly (the beer probably contributes to this too), but this year I hope to have a more detailed account of the insanity that we seem to create when we're in a bar!

So we are off tomorrow and return Sunday.

Until then.....

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